Wednesday, October 17, 2012

It's Not Like the Movies

I shouldn't say life isn't like the movies at all. I guess it is sometimes, in some aspects. But fairy tales do not exist in real life. That is the reality of it. Disney teaches kids that they will grow up and find their prince or princess and live happily ever after. Life isn't that simple.

What you have to realize is that you are your own worst enemy. Heartbreak can only hold you for so long until you decide to start moving forward. Happiness is only good as long as the owner holds onto it. A sliver of darkness can darken that happiness. What I'm trying to say is that we decide our own fate.

Now... for anyone who knows me, they can tell you that I have some shit luck. Bad things happen, usually in groups. But... there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. So every time something bad happens, all I can think is... just a little bit farther.

There have been things in life I have wanted... and things that I have not wanted... and sometimes I get what I want, while other times I do not. I've had best friends who would do anything for me and I've had best friends stab me in the back. Boys have come and gone. Jobs start and end. Life continues.

I think for every woman there comes a time when your internal clock gets so freaking loud that you have a hard time ignoring it. It's like... GET MARRIED! HAVE BABIES! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR! I think my internal clock is ticking, but I'm really good at silencing it for the most part. But it does make you think. I'm 27 (newly). I have a job I do love, a business I put my blood, sweat, and tears into, friends would would do anything for me (I think), a beautiful four year old who brightens my day every time she enters the room, a house, a car, food on the table, music to listen to, family to spend time with.... so therefore... most would say I am doing well. As a girl (or a woman), I can't help but let it cross my mind that I'm not married... I have no possibilities for more kids in the future... Doesn't that make you wonder?

What if I'm broken? Or unwantable? Is that even a word? I don't think so. I don't think I'm that bad of a person. I work hard. I try and rectify the mistakes I made when I was younger. I try and be the best mom I can be. So why doesn't anyone want me? It's a hard question to ask yourself. Now... I'm a bitch. I can be a serious bitch. I tend to want things my way and I have only found one person in my life (opposite sex) that can handle me at my best and worst. Sometimes I question how long he can deal with it to be honest. Aside from that... I do have baggage. It's part of life. Mine might be a bit heavier than some. But it is what it is and I have to live with it. Sometimes I just wish I had someone who wanted to help me bare the load. Someone who is there to say "I'm on your side," when life gets difficult. I feel like people run when things get hard. So instead of sharing my thoughts, fears, etc, I bottle it up and I let it simmer until I can't contain it anymore and I lose it. Tears. Screaming. Whatever the case...

But then I look at my life and realize it's not that bad. It might not be like the movies... but it's pretty good compared to others. And if no man ever decides I'm the one he wants... that's ok too. Because I don't need a man to be happy. I don't want to depend on a man to be happy. It would be nice to have a partner in crime... but I can do it on my own. I've been doing it long enough. So as much as it sucks sometimes... I wipe away the tears, shoulders back, head up, and move forward.

Because ladies.... someday... maybe not tomorrow, next week, or even next year... that guy that you liked so much and you waited for... the one you gave everything to... whatever made him happy... and he decided you weren't the one he wanted. I guarantee he will look back and say "Damn... what was I thinking." So I'm going to hold on to that and all of you should too. You are amazing. You are beautiful. You are intelligent. You are hard working. And you will be missed. Because who can't miss someone that amazing. And as much as it sucks that he didn't realize that sooner... it puts a bit of a smile on your (and my) face to know that one day he's going to look back... and you'll be gone.

People won't wait forever. How's that saying go? One day you'll realize what you had was the best... but the best found better.

No comments:

Post a Comment