Friday, December 25, 2009


Merry Christmas everyone! This year was a rough one and a lot has happen. The economy took even more of a nosedive than ever and it just stretched me to my limit. Next year is looking promising and I can not wait until I am on to what it is I want to do. I have the opportunity to move to Los Angeles and live with great friends and start a new chapter of my life and I want to take it so bad. I have to make sure I have every aspect of life settled though before I go. I can't just do things on a whim like I use to. I have to think of Payton. Things seemed to be falling into place and I think it is going to be an AMAZING chapter. I am 24 and I have a feeling my life is going to start to click into place. I have my first degree with my second one in the process, Payton is getting older, I have amazing friends that are willing to support me along the way, and I can not wait. Lets do this 2010!


P.S. Maybe I've already met the man of my dreams and L.A. will allow it to work... hmmm...

Friday, December 18, 2009

I can't breathe....

It feels like there is a rock in my chest. I can't swallow. I can't breathe. It aches with the rise and fall of each strangled breathe. It aches constantly. I'm good at hiding it. I have to be. I would fall apart if I didn't. Its like a safe. It stays locked a majority of the time. Then I have those weak days where it all spills out and the pain is overpowering. It's my own fault. I walked away. I turned my back. I deserve everything and anything he throws at me. Throwing something at me would be him at least showing that he sees me. The silence is deafening. Silence is the worst. Silence lets me make my own conclusions. Silence make the pain echo. I don't let it come out often. I don't care. I have to tell myself that. Over and over and over. I don't care. The shadow is everywhere. In songs, stores, restaurants, and worst of all my mind. Its seared into my mind. I can't wipe it away. Maybe if I leave this place it will get better. 3000 miles should do it. Something tells me I'm wrong. My chest hurts. I miss him....

I don't care.
I don't care.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Oh how i've missed you!

That's right bitches! I'm back! It's been forever since I actually wrote a blog and didn't post a million pictures or some random hoopla! I have been way busy! Artists On Demand is going crazy with talent and we are bringing on 2 more hosts, which will mean we are up to (if you leave me out) 7 hosts, 1 random host, 1 audio guy, and then me... the media relations coordinator. At least that is the name I have assigned myself. 

What else... hmmmm... back in school. Bachelors degree, here I come! I am the proud owner of my Associates degree in Hospitality, Travel, and Tourism. Never thought I would see the day! I am not working toward my Bachelors in Communication: With a concentration in Public Relations and Mass Communication. I'm gonna rock this shit. 

I have also decided that I might move to LA.... Los Angeles... that city over there... the one with my Monkey girls in it... You know. Nikki and Vicky are moving...and if I can nail a job down pat... I am off. I will miss Payton for a few weeks while I get our life settled out there... but if I get a good paying job... it will be worth it. We are going to take that city by storm. Ikki Enterprizes bitches! Just you wait! You'll see me on the red carpet... hells yeah! 

Alright... well... I apparently have a very bright post to go make on Nikki's blog... so I am off! This is another rambling from the one and only... K (as Mr Graupner calls me)!