Sunday, August 8, 2010

Affairs among friends

It bothers me when people mess with my friends. Like... really pisses me off. So when it effects my relationship with my friends... it REALLY pisses me off. The fact that I have to make an appointment with my friend because he fears for his life... PISSES me off! I mean really... I'm not afraid of you. I'm not afraid of what you THINK you could do. Just know... if you continue to make my life... as well as my friends life... hell. I will have no choice but to destroy you. I don't like you. I don't like the things you do. You piss me off. So do me a favor and stay away from me. Thanks.

The sexual rating system...

The sexual rating system always seems to turn to food. A dear friend of mine, who shall remain nameless, turned me on to this little rating system. It also has to do with everyone thinking that sex needs to be compared to food. No idea where it came from, but I'm going to run with it. The female-ice cream sexual rating system... continue on...

Vanilla ice cream. It's good... it gets the job done... but sometimes it just needs something. Sprinkles... mixings... a little chocolate syrup (oh the ideas!). Either way... vanilla is boring. Who wants plain 'ol vanilla ice cream? I mean... it better have some freakin spunk to it. Vanilla means YOU are boring, for those boys reading this. It means you better find a way to work with your manhood or it ain't gonna get any for much longer.

Chocolate Ice Cream. Now this is a whole different story. Chocolate is calming and yummy. It's... delicious. It's not boring. It could be spruced up with some ingredients... but its good plain. It definitely gets the job done and makes you want a second serving.

Now... a friend of mine said that chocolate ain't good enough. Rocky Road is apparently the best. I've never had anything I would consider Rocky Road so by all means, if you know where I can find it, let me know. Because it sounds delicious! Either way... this goes along with black scrunchies. Mind blowing sex! Yes... please!

And with that... I'm going to go eat some ice cream!

The Scrunchie System

If you are wondering what the hell I am talking about... then this post is for you. If you don't recall, a long time ago I blogged about scrunchies... a LOOOOONG time ago. If you missed it... check it out here! It's very VERY vague though. Actually, it's like 3 words. But either way... I figured if you don't know the scrunchie system... you deserve to. So here is the breakdown.

The Scrunchie System (TSS) is a guide for girls to know when it is safe to enter your friends room/hotel room. The color scrunchie on the door will let you know whether you want to enter or not. So here it is... read carefully.

Yellow: This is more of a caution than a do not enter. Yellow means that one or more of the occupants are topless. So you might get a flash of tit... or you may just seem a topless male. At this stage it is fairly safe to enter still.

Pink: I love pink. Pink is the stage where you have made the decision that it is going to farther than just a heated make out session, but you aren't quite to the stage of penetration yet. It's that 'we're almost naked' and 'hands roaming' stage. If you enter a room with a pink scrunchie on the door... be prepared to see private parts... because it is very possible.

Blue: You are entering the dark side. Blue means there is some intercourse happening. The good news is... if you were absolutely forced to enter... it would be normal, regular, boring sex. Missionary... something of that nature. So it wouldn't be hard to started the pair and have them cover up quickly. But still... do you want to walk in at all knowing they are booty ass naked?

Red: What does red normally mean? It means STOP! Think about what you are doing. If someone puts a red scrunchie on the door handle, do you really want to find out why? If you lean close enough you will probably hear it. This is some kinky positions... screaming... scratching... maybe a bit of biting... This means that the pair has entered the deep lust of not giving a shit if you walk in or not. They are humping like rabbits and don't care that you exist. It's hard core... hot... dirty talk... all the good shit.

Black: (I have to write in green because I can't write in black when black is the background) TURN AROUND AND RUN AWAY! If you have someone that is hanging black scrunchies on the door... it means that you DO NOT... I repeat... DO NOT want to know what is going on. This is down right dirty, kinky, nasty, fuckin'. That is all. No making love... No slow passionate moves. It is hard core... putting shit in places that it shouldn't be... bending in ways you only dream of... Sex. *Shivers* So do as you are told... and DO NOT enter.

So there you have it... the scale of scrunchies. The TSS system. So now you know if you walk by a hotel room or a door and see a scrunchie... keep walking. Or better yet... take it off. Then when there friends come and walk in... oh the laughs! I'm kidding. Respect the system because it works wonders when you are sharing a room with friends.

Until next time... hold on to your black scrunchies ladies... I'm not sure you can handle it.