Weekly Rant #1

I've decided to do a weekly rant where I just go on and on about all the things I've read about, seen on TV, heard from friends or social media, and all the other goodies floating around in my brain. Yes, you should be scared. So let's kick this off.

I've come to the conclusion that there are MANY times I should just shut the f*** up. Seriously. I say shit and then it bites me in the ass. If I just shut my mouth then we'd all be good. I should become one of those hermits that don't talk to people. I feel like Murphy's Law was made for me. "If anything can go wrong, it will go wrong." That is my life. I don't mean for things to happen that way, but sometimes it just does. So sue me. I'm human. I screw up... I fall down... I get up... brush myself off... and try again.

Moving on... what the hell is wrong with the Batman dude. That is what I am calling him. I guess he referred to himself as The Joker. Did you see his mugshot? For those of you thinking I've completely gone off my rocker... I'm referring to the dude who shot up the theater in Colorado. What could those people have done to have deserved that? The answer... nothing. That guy was just fucking crazy. I really hope they don't lock him up in some psych ward. Put him in general population in one of those quaint prisons and let the inmates have a go at him. He shot little babies. Not BABIES... but little kids. A six year old. Come on now. Even if he is crazy... he doesn't deserve a padded room with a jacket that makes him hug himself all day long. General population. Go!

Next. I just finished reading Dominique Moceanu's book "Off Balance". I feel a bit bamboozled. I love that girl. I would like to start with that. She is amazing. I loved her in 1995... 1996 when she won the Olympics with the other 6 of the Magnificent 7. I loved her when she worked for a comeback. I love her now. She's a strong woman. But DANG... girl had a hard life. I always thought she had it made, but totally not the truth. I always loved the Karolyi's too... not so much anymore. I know this is one side of the story, but it kind of makes sense. It makes me wonder if the same thing is happening to the girls in London now. That thought is terrifying. Those girls deserve better and I hope they are getting it. P.S. Buy Dominique's book. So good.

I went and got a mani-pedi yesterday. Love those. They make you feel all gooey inside. I did french tip on both my toes and fingers. I've never been a big fan of the french tip on your toes. But I have to admit it looks kind of nice. I kind of feel like I have little fingers as toes... but I'm sure that feeling will pass. Right? LOL. Let's hope.

I think that's about all I have to rant about now. I'm sure I will come up with more soon. If you have an idea for something you want me to write about or want me to share my opinion, let me know. I'm down. Tweet me @KristinAODradio and I'll see what I can do.

 Hugs, kisses, and all that other stuff,

 K.

I love Corinne Dekker

Yeah you heard me. I love Corinne Dekker. And not in that weird lesbian way. I'm talking that she's practically my twin way. She posts these amazing (and a lot of the time hysterical) videos online that I just love. I literally almost peed my pants once. It took a lot of clenching power to get it to NOT come out. But seriously... check her out. I've even put one of the videos below. The woman is just absolutely hilarious and probably as real as they come. You don't find them like this normally. So check it. Tell me what you think. And follow her on twitter @CorinneDekker

Sexual Bases

A friend of mine asked me to describe the bases of sex. Well... we all know I am ALL for this, so here it is.

Quick, simple, and to the point.

1st - Kissing. Hopefully with a bit of tongue, nibbling, sucking (on the mouth - get your mind out of the gutter... for a second), etc. A good make-out session could suffice as long as his mouth stays above the shoulders.

2nd - Kissing and touching of the breasts or other erogenous areas of your body. The breasts can be done outside or inside the shirt, but other areas must be fully clothed for this to count as second base and not sliding into third!

3rd - Stroking, rubbing, or oral stimulation of the lady bits (or man parts). Your kissing has definitely escalated past the head... all I'm saying.

4th (HOME RUN) - Do I really need to say it? As Jim Carrey would say, "You stuffed her like a Thanksgiving turkey!". Full on penetration. Sexual Intercourse. Doing the nasty. Banging. Whatever you want to call it... it's done. You are officially a score on the board! Hence the term "you scored!"

Hope that helps. I'm here for your every need. (No touching though. I don't touch strangers. HAHA).

K.

"Dirty Talk He'll Love"

So we all know that I read Cosmo like it's a freakin' bible. If you didn't know that... well then you should scroll back to some of my other beautiful things I've written. They are amazing (toot toot! on my horn). So this one is all about Cosmo's recent article online about "Dirty Talk He'll Love". So I thought I'd comment. What better way to kill time, right?

So here it is... 10 oh so magical things that will make him all the more horny and want to rip your clothes off (or so Cosmo says).

1. "What do you want me to do?"

I'm not against this one. This is actually quite true. Cosmo says "Asking him what he needs from you proves you're open to changing things up." True... but it also shows him that you WANT to please him. Not that you couldn't, but it makes him feel like the one in charge when really, because you have a vagina, he is at your every whim.

2. "You're an amazing kisser."

Again... I approve. I would not necessarily say that exactly, but something along the same lines. This encourages men along because men, as much as they don't like to admit it, need our approval and encouragement in the sack. If they think they are sucking then it will end up sucking. And none of us want that.

3. "Your arms are so sexy."

Cosmo states that "unlike women, guys don't often receive physical compliments, so telling him what you love about his bod is a powerful ego boost - and aphrodisiac." Aside from complimenting them in general... everyone should know (whether you want to or not) that I have this weird obsession with arms. Arms and necks. If you have sexy arms and the perfect neck... we can do the nasty. Seriously... arms are so damn sexy at times. Especially when you can feel the ripple of the muscle. Jesus... OK moving on before I work myself up over here. But yes... thumbs up Cosmo! Good pointer!

4. "I want you."

Now... if you are already mid-foreplay and numerous pieces of your clothing have been thrown across the room, then this is probably a given. Sometimes they want to hear it anyway, so give in. It takes a whole 2 seconds of your time to say it. I recently had a male friend inform me that you know a girl is ready to get down to business when she reaches for the zipper of the male's jeans. That means she is ready for step 2.... or 10... fourth base? What is that? Anyway... it's go time basically.

5. "Put your mouth on my breasts."

I find this a bit odd. I would never say that. I would look at someone funny if they ever said something of that nature to me. Well... if someone came to me and said "Put your mouth on my breasts" I'd have to turn them down anyway. I like men way too much to dip my fingers in the other sides candy dish. No thanks. Either way, commands are nice "touch me", "put your hands on me", etc. But breasts is not a word I'm thinking of as I'm inching my way towards home.

6. "I love the way you fill me up."

Negative. Never gonna happen. Are you kidding? A "You feel so good." might escape my mouth. But "I love the way you fill me up." Not gonna happen. Don't hold your breath. It seems so... porn star-ish. Right? Is it just me? Hopefully he does fill you up... not in an overfull way cuz let's be honest... there is such thing as too big... but in a just right, you want to scream from the friction, sort of way. That we are all for. Fill up... but let's not talk about it.

7. "Oh God."

Oh YES! This one is definitely in my vocabulary during sexy time. Who else to praise for such delicious feelings than God. He did create us after all. He did make it so we are capable of having that feeling when every nerve in your body fires, your stomach muscles clench, your lungs shut down, your toes curl, hands turn into fists full of bedding, skin, etc, and your eyes roll back in your head. What else to yell than "OH GOD!" This gets the Kristin stamp of approval! You could also insert a "F---". That works too.

8. "It feel incredible when you press your penis against me."

This may be true. It may feel incredible when he does this. But that is a long ass sentence to get out when you are in the throws of passion. I'm not even sure my mind would be able to form a full on coherent sentence when it came down to that point in the game. So again, this won't be leaving my mouth anytime... ever. Just yell "Oh God." instead... he'll get the point.

9. "F--- me harder."

Don't lie... you have ALL used this one. You are so unbelievably close to that orgasm and you just want it to get there so you tell him "harder". Maybe not everyone uses the F bomb (I do because it's my favorite word.), but harder, more, faster, Oh God harder (LOL), would work. Anything for a bit more friction to push you over that very high edge.

10. "I love having sex with you."

Cosmo says, "By confirming how incredible intercourse was when you're lying side-by-side afterwards, you reinforce your awesome chemistry and your satisfaction. And because his levels of the bonding hormone oxytocin peak post-sex, he's craving a feeling of closeness and connection." So ladies... this means work that time... just don't be overly clingy emotional. Not all guys like cuddle time after sex. Some just want to collapse into sleep, some eat, some just don't want to be touched, and others want to hold you and stroke your back. Follow his lead. You push the wrong way and I guarantee the "bonding" will come to a screeching halt. I would never say "I love having sex with you", but I may say "That was incredible." or "Damn...", or maybe even "We have GOT to do that again." HAHA. Either way... stroke his male ego the way you probably just stroked his... and tell him how it was. Unless it was bad. Probably not the best idea to say "That was horrible" unless you want a swift kick out the door... probably not quite yet fully clothed.

And that's it. Some are OH so correct and others, not so freaking much. Another little tidbit of information from yours truly. Enjoy! More to come.

K.


Check out Cosmo's original article here!

Relationships...

You know how guys say "nice guys finish last". That may be true is some cases. but not all cases. There are many girls out there who look for the hot, well built man first. They want the muscles, the good looks, the money, the cars, and all the perks of being "his girl". The thing is, there are plenty of girls who are not all about the looks. In my opinion, the better you are on the inside, the better you look on the outside. You can be the most gorgeous man in the world, but if you have  a shitty personality, then there is the door. I don't want what you are selling.

In my opinion, life is a bit harder for the girl. No offense men, but a majority of you are shallow dicks. If a girl doesn't have a small waist you don't want any. If that girl has a great personality, more power to you. The thing is... we all need love.

I've always been the one that says I don't want to get married and I'm not looking to fall in love (which is typically when it happens, may I point out), but in reality every girls wants a little bit of her own fairy tale. I don't want someone who settles for me, though. I want someone who looks at me and says "that's the one." I'm difficult. I'm beyond difficult. I'm bitchy and bossy and I tend to put up a fight against things even when I know they are right just because I can. I tend to want things my way and I get upset when they aren't. Not many men can handle me or want to handle me.

All I'm saying is that the world has come to be so difficult. What ever happen to getting to know someone and then making a judgement call on to whether you could be with them? What happen to being nice to everyone because you could be being a complete bitch to the man of your dreams (or woman... equality here!) Stop caring what your friends think. Don't not get to know someone because they might not be what your friends want you to bring around.

And my newest lesson... leave everyone out of your shit. It only complicates things. Don't you have enough problems trying to deal with your OWN relationships than to bring other people into yours or put your nose in someone else's? Look at celebrities... the ones that make it are the ones you never hear about in the news!

And end rant...

iPhone Finally Won

Ok... put your angry comments away. I know I've been ranting and raving for years about how fabulous Android is. I still stick by that. They have great phones and I love the system. BUT... with that being said... I recently made the switch to iPhone (because my Android took an epic crap and died), and I have to admit I love it.

(And a shout out to Shawn (@BLaCKThERiPP3R on twitter)... follow him. He's the one that got me hooked and convinced me (after months of arguing) to switch to the iPhone.

When I say love... I mean epic love. I love the battery life. I love the quickness at which it charges when it is dying. I love the apps. I love the look. I love the feel. Sometimes I wish it had a bigger screen, but you can't win them all. I even recently found myself defending iPhone to my best friends boyfriend who wants to buy her an Android instead. Thirty minutes later I caught myself and thought "What has happened to me?" The world is ending... because yes I am an iPhone user and proud of it.

So I apologize to anyone who I said your phone sucked because you previously held an iPhone. I have joined the dark side... and I shall probably never go back. So shoot me...