Monday, July 16, 2012

"Dirty Talk He'll Love"

So we all know that I read Cosmo like it's a freakin' bible. If you didn't know that... well then you should scroll back to some of my other beautiful things I've written. They are amazing (toot toot! on my horn). So this one is all about Cosmo's recent article online about "Dirty Talk He'll Love". So I thought I'd comment. What better way to kill time, right?

So here it is... 10 oh so magical things that will make him all the more horny and want to rip your clothes off (or so Cosmo says).

1. "What do you want me to do?"

I'm not against this one. This is actually quite true. Cosmo says "Asking him what he needs from you proves you're open to changing things up." True... but it also shows him that you WANT to please him. Not that you couldn't, but it makes him feel like the one in charge when really, because you have a vagina, he is at your every whim.

2. "You're an amazing kisser."

Again... I approve. I would not necessarily say that exactly, but something along the same lines. This encourages men along because men, as much as they don't like to admit it, need our approval and encouragement in the sack. If they think they are sucking then it will end up sucking. And none of us want that.

3. "Your arms are so sexy."

Cosmo states that "unlike women, guys don't often receive physical compliments, so telling him what you love about his bod is a powerful ego boost - and aphrodisiac." Aside from complimenting them in general... everyone should know (whether you want to or not) that I have this weird obsession with arms. Arms and necks. If you have sexy arms and the perfect neck... we can do the nasty. Seriously... arms are so damn sexy at times. Especially when you can feel the ripple of the muscle. Jesus... OK moving on before I work myself up over here. But yes... thumbs up Cosmo! Good pointer!

4. "I want you."

Now... if you are already mid-foreplay and numerous pieces of your clothing have been thrown across the room, then this is probably a given. Sometimes they want to hear it anyway, so give in. It takes a whole 2 seconds of your time to say it. I recently had a male friend inform me that you know a girl is ready to get down to business when she reaches for the zipper of the male's jeans. That means she is ready for step 2.... or 10... fourth base? What is that? Anyway... it's go time basically.

5. "Put your mouth on my breasts."

I find this a bit odd. I would never say that. I would look at someone funny if they ever said something of that nature to me. Well... if someone came to me and said "Put your mouth on my breasts" I'd have to turn them down anyway. I like men way too much to dip my fingers in the other sides candy dish. No thanks. Either way, commands are nice "touch me", "put your hands on me", etc. But breasts is not a word I'm thinking of as I'm inching my way towards home.

6. "I love the way you fill me up."

Negative. Never gonna happen. Are you kidding? A "You feel so good." might escape my mouth. But "I love the way you fill me up." Not gonna happen. Don't hold your breath. It seems so... porn star-ish. Right? Is it just me? Hopefully he does fill you up... not in an overfull way cuz let's be honest... there is such thing as too big... but in a just right, you want to scream from the friction, sort of way. That we are all for. Fill up... but let's not talk about it.

7. "Oh God."

Oh YES! This one is definitely in my vocabulary during sexy time. Who else to praise for such delicious feelings than God. He did create us after all. He did make it so we are capable of having that feeling when every nerve in your body fires, your stomach muscles clench, your lungs shut down, your toes curl, hands turn into fists full of bedding, skin, etc, and your eyes roll back in your head. What else to yell than "OH GOD!" This gets the Kristin stamp of approval! You could also insert a "F---". That works too.

8. "It feel incredible when you press your penis against me."

This may be true. It may feel incredible when he does this. But that is a long ass sentence to get out when you are in the throws of passion. I'm not even sure my mind would be able to form a full on coherent sentence when it came down to that point in the game. So again, this won't be leaving my mouth anytime... ever. Just yell "Oh God." instead... he'll get the point.

9. "F--- me harder."

Don't lie... you have ALL used this one. You are so unbelievably close to that orgasm and you just want it to get there so you tell him "harder". Maybe not everyone uses the F bomb (I do because it's my favorite word.), but harder, more, faster, Oh God harder (LOL), would work. Anything for a bit more friction to push you over that very high edge.

10. "I love having sex with you."

Cosmo says, "By confirming how incredible intercourse was when you're lying side-by-side afterwards, you reinforce your awesome chemistry and your satisfaction. And because his levels of the bonding hormone oxytocin peak post-sex, he's craving a feeling of closeness and connection." So ladies... this means work that time... just don't be overly clingy emotional. Not all guys like cuddle time after sex. Some just want to collapse into sleep, some eat, some just don't want to be touched, and others want to hold you and stroke your back. Follow his lead. You push the wrong way and I guarantee the "bonding" will come to a screeching halt. I would never say "I love having sex with you", but I may say "That was incredible." or "Damn...", or maybe even "We have GOT to do that again." HAHA. Either way... stroke his male ego the way you probably just stroked his... and tell him how it was. Unless it was bad. Probably not the best idea to say "That was horrible" unless you want a swift kick out the door... probably not quite yet fully clothed.

And that's it. Some are OH so correct and others, not so freaking much. Another little tidbit of information from yours truly. Enjoy! More to come.


Check out Cosmo's original article here!

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