Monday, September 13, 2010

Sexual Questions by Cosmo

Cosmo is my new manual. I used to swear against it because it was just so... girly... but oh man I love it! I've made sure to get the last few issues and its freakin awesome. It even brings me closer to my coworkers. Funny story... so I'm sitting at my desk today reading an article called "100 Crazy, Dirty Sex Questions (Answered in 20 Words or Less)" and I decide to share a few with my co-worker Toren. Yes... he's a guy. And soon we find ourselves in this ongoing conversation about penises, vaginas, animal sex, and all the stuff in between. SO I figured I would share a few of my favorites... and his... and then you will have enough incentive to go pick up the October issue... (Pictured above with the lovely Lauren Conrad on the cover). 

(And commentary by me)

2. If you have a bigger clitoris, is it easier to orgasm? Nope. Every clitoris has the same number of nerve endings (8,000), so they're equally sensitive. (No wonder they call it a 'doorbell' You push it and someone comes! HAHA)

8. Is there a subtle way to spit out semen after oral sex? Not really. Use a tissue or go to the bathroom if it's nearby. (REALLY!? If you are going to do the deed at least finish the job! Swallow it and live with it! It's protein... good for you! Just be careful... according to question number 31, semen has 36 calories per teaspoon. So if you are watching your weight....)

18. Why is semen so gooey? (HAHA... this makes me laugh!) So it can stick to the back of the vagina, where the sperm need to go to make a baby. (Tell me that doesn't make you laugh... except the 'make a baby' part. Been there... done that. No more anytime soon!)

22. What's the smallest penis ever recorded? Five-eigths of an inch. (Now you are probably thinking what I am thinking... how old was this person? BUT... I did some research and it turns out that there really are disorders that cause little willy syndrome. 1. Micropenis (simple I know...) is where most of the penis is INSIDE the body. 2. Congenital Hypoplasia: the glands of the penis are attached directly to the pubis, therefore causing a lack of a shaft. So say thanks to for that answer.)
23. Can a guy break his penis, since its not a bone? Yep. It usually happens when it forcefully hits another object by accident (like your pelvic bone or the headboard). (Did you hear that ladies? It was the sound of all the men cringing in pain at the thought! HAHA! Anyway... they go on in number 24 to tell us "How do I know if it breaks? His penis will make a popping sound, and it will bruise almost immediately." And there is that cringing again. Very interesting though. At least I thought so.

36. Is it life-threatening for a guy to blow air up your vadge while going down on you or is that an urban legend? It's dangerous, since an air bubble could travel to your heart, causing a fatal embolism. (And that my friends is all the women cringing. Let me tell you something... let a man blow up my "vadge" and I will donkey kick his ass across the room as I grab my clothes and run for the hills! I wonder if that would be considered murder? You could probably totally get away with it too!)

38. Do animals (besides us) masturbal? Yes. Actually, a lot do. Deer and monkeys are just two examples. (DEER? Really? That would be something I would totally pay to see! Monkeys... I get. They are just like us) 39. Wait, even female animals? Uh-huh. Lady apes and monkeys have been observed using stick for solo sessions. (OWIE! That just sounds painful as shit! But again... something I would pay to see. Very interesting.)

59. Can a guy ejaculate and pee at the same time? Nope. Just before climax, the tube leading to his bladder seals off so semen can shoot through his penis. (Did they just say 'shoot'? I've got nothing...)

73. I've heard its unsafe to do it on a trampoline. Why? If things get bouncy, his penis can slip out and ricochet off the trampoline, breaking it. (I think I cringed at that one. RICOCHET... that is the word they chose to use. LOL. SO FUNNY! That goes right along with the "can his penis break" question from before. I can honestly say I never thought I would REALLY want to have sex on a trampoline anyway. 

98. Which animal has the longest penis? Whale penises clock in at 10 feet long. (And if you are like certain people in my life that don't believe Cosmo... Look HERE! But I warned you... that is definitely an X-rated file. And if my eyes are not playing tricks... I believe the man is holding a bag like he is going to catch the.... nevermind. Click the picture! 

And with that I shall wrap up my Cosmo Sexual Questions blog. Gotta love it. That is only a few of the 100 they listed... and by God they are funny so go buy Cosmo and read it! Guys... you are allowed to as well. Cuz it is very beneficial to you too! It's like a manual to women! (As all the men flock to the news stands). So on that... have a very sexual day. 

** As I am writing this blog my friend... who we shall call L.... IMs me with "I find the phrase 'Loading Skin' disturbing..." and I collapse in a fit of hysterics. Thanks L!**

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