Friday, December 18, 2009

I can't breathe....

It feels like there is a rock in my chest. I can't swallow. I can't breathe. It aches with the rise and fall of each strangled breathe. It aches constantly. I'm good at hiding it. I have to be. I would fall apart if I didn't. Its like a safe. It stays locked a majority of the time. Then I have those weak days where it all spills out and the pain is overpowering. It's my own fault. I walked away. I turned my back. I deserve everything and anything he throws at me. Throwing something at me would be him at least showing that he sees me. The silence is deafening. Silence is the worst. Silence lets me make my own conclusions. Silence make the pain echo. I don't let it come out often. I don't care. I have to tell myself that. Over and over and over. I don't care. The shadow is everywhere. In songs, stores, restaurants, and worst of all my mind. Its seared into my mind. I can't wipe it away. Maybe if I leave this place it will get better. 3000 miles should do it. Something tells me I'm wrong. My chest hurts. I miss him....

I don't care.
I don't care.

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