How was 2012 for you? Mine was mediocre with some really great parts, but some really bad parts. Let's start with the bad and get it out of the way.
Overpowering bills. Broken cars. Lost friendships. Arguements with friends. Slight rise in self-consciousness. And the sorts. Those things have brought me down and made me question things in life and the way I was handling things.
Now.... the good.
1. My daughter is obviously the number one person and happiness in my life. Just a giggle from her can turn my entire day around. She's too cute for her own good. And so much like me it is scary. Terrifying really when I think of her growing up. Help the world. She's gonna take over.
2. New friends. People I just met this year and grew friendships with. Co-workers, Random people. All of them. I'm grateful.
3. Old friends. I have my small group of friends that I love to death. This year I had a friend from the past step in and our friendship got really strong. I am beyond grateful for this person (they know who they are). From three hour phone conversations, to helping me when I was hurt, to talking me down when I was sad... they were always there. If nothing else in 2012 makes me think good thoughts, every single moment I spent with this person is definitely top of my list. I had the best birthday I have in a LONG time. I've learned to relax a lot more and not be so stressed out. I've learned to roll with the punches. I've just learned to be a better me. And it's in large part because of this friend. So you... I know you'll read this (I hope)... Thank you. From the bottom of my heart.
4. 2013 looks great. That has been what has pushed me through 2012 aside from the things above. I am looking forward to 2013 and I plan to take full advantage and make it my year. I'm going to put myself in a better place financially. I've been working on my health (almost three weeks soda free!), getting my sugar under control, working with Vicky to expand and grow AOD. It's gonna be a good one. I can feel it. It's the light at the end of this dark tunnel. I can taste the fresh air already.
So a great year! I learned of some great music this year. Ed Sheeran (Thank you Megs), Matisyahu (Thank you Shawn), and many many more. I hope 2013 is as great as I suspect. You always have to expect some downs... but I am hoping for a lot more ups!
So here is to 2013! Let's do this!
Monday, December 31, 2012
Friday, December 28, 2012
What Men Should Never Say To A Woman
I recently read this article on ChaCha about what you should never say to women... and I think it's funny. So I'm going to break it down and add my opinions on the list.
1. "Don't tell a woman that she can't drive, or that women in general are bad drivers."
Agreed. You look sexist, first of all. Second of all... just because she doesn't drive how YOU want her to, doesn't mean she can't drive. Maybe you make her nervous? Now, if she has wrecked numerous cars or been in one too many fender benders, then yes, maybe she is a bad driver. But if you simply think she drives too fast, or doesn't slow down enough in a curve, or take a route you don't approve of (You know who you are) doesn't mean she is a bad driver. She's just different than you.
2. "Have You Gained Weight?"
It says "Never even imply that a woman is fat. Don't do it, under any circumstances! Not even if:
a. She's bone thin.
b. It's a joke.
c. She really is fat.
d. She just called you fat.
I agree with this as well. Not because I think it's just rude (which it is... whether you are a boy or a girl) but because this does a number on a woman's psyche. Those few words can make a woman enter a downward spiral of binging, throwing up, starving herself, hurting herself, and ruins that confidence you love about them. Men like confident women. Whether they are fat, skinny, pretty, ugly, etc. If you are confident in yourself, it is a good quality that men like (or so I hear).
Plus it's rude. And it would make you an asshole.
3. "I've Dated a Lot of Women."
This can actually go both ways. No woman wants to hear about all the women you have dated, slept with, etc. They don't want to be compared to her. Imagine her feelings when you are like... "Oh yeah this one time my ex did this... God that was the best sex ever." Uh hello! You basically just told your girl that she was mediocre in the sack. Talk about rude. The article states that you should never say something like "Don't worry. I've been with bigger women than you." First of all... HAHAHAHAHAHA! I would laugh in your face. That would be the end of ANY activity we had going on. Second of all, that is like combining 2 & 3 together. Breaking TWO rules in one. And again... it makes you an asshole.
4. "You're Just Like Your Mother."
This may be good SOMETIMES. But other times girls just don't want to hear this. Are you attracted to their mother? Do you want to be with them instead? That is the thought going through her head. OR... if it's a bad quality, then they start picking apart the relationship and what they do and how much it may or may not annoy you. You are just asking for trouble.
5. "You're Just Like My Mother."
Again... don't do this. Do you want to date your mom? No. So don't give her the idea that you are attracted to her because she is like your mother. It's a bit creepy!
6. "She's So Hot."
See, this doesn't bother me that much. We are creatures of passion. We notice things. Like how people look. Girls say "oh he's so hot!" and guys do it too. We are BOTH guilty of this. Maybe if you do it ALL the time, then that could be cut down on a bit. Or if you say things like "I wish you looked like her." Yeah... no. Doing it too much can make a girl insecure and jealous (just like the article says), but it doesn't mean you can't comment ever. We all do it. It's natural.
7. "How Old Are You?"
I don't see the big deal. Maybe I'm not quite to the stage where I'm freaked out by my age, but this doesn't seem like a big deal. The article says if you DO bring it up, guess at least 10 years younger than she probably is. But this can still get you in trouble because she may think you are just being a smartass. Unless you think she's underage... don't ask. And if you think she might be... maybe you should be looking for someone older.
8. "Make Me a Sandwich."
This is hilarious. I have a male friend (Who shall remain nameless) who says that this is his first feeling after sex. They get hungry. Now I do not think women should wait on men all the time, but I think that there are certain ways to ask for this. Don't demand it. Or tell her to do it (the article says this.) Ask her. A simple, "hey babe, can you make me a sandwich?" might get you a long way.
9. "Call Her the Wrong Name."
Yeah... I have nothing to say but... RUN!
10. "Do You Want a Picture of My Junk?"
The article is actually talking about prior to the first date or when you are brand new in a relationship. I agree. You look like an epic creeper and I will run for the hills. That is all.
So yeah... maybe I'll find a list of things women shouldn't say to men and comment on those later!
1. "Don't tell a woman that she can't drive, or that women in general are bad drivers."
Agreed. You look sexist, first of all. Second of all... just because she doesn't drive how YOU want her to, doesn't mean she can't drive. Maybe you make her nervous? Now, if she has wrecked numerous cars or been in one too many fender benders, then yes, maybe she is a bad driver. But if you simply think she drives too fast, or doesn't slow down enough in a curve, or take a route you don't approve of (You know who you are) doesn't mean she is a bad driver. She's just different than you.
2. "Have You Gained Weight?"
It says "Never even imply that a woman is fat. Don't do it, under any circumstances! Not even if:
a. She's bone thin.
b. It's a joke.
c. She really is fat.
d. She just called you fat.
I agree with this as well. Not because I think it's just rude (which it is... whether you are a boy or a girl) but because this does a number on a woman's psyche. Those few words can make a woman enter a downward spiral of binging, throwing up, starving herself, hurting herself, and ruins that confidence you love about them. Men like confident women. Whether they are fat, skinny, pretty, ugly, etc. If you are confident in yourself, it is a good quality that men like (or so I hear).
Plus it's rude. And it would make you an asshole.
3. "I've Dated a Lot of Women."
This can actually go both ways. No woman wants to hear about all the women you have dated, slept with, etc. They don't want to be compared to her. Imagine her feelings when you are like... "Oh yeah this one time my ex did this... God that was the best sex ever." Uh hello! You basically just told your girl that she was mediocre in the sack. Talk about rude. The article states that you should never say something like "Don't worry. I've been with bigger women than you." First of all... HAHAHAHAHAHA! I would laugh in your face. That would be the end of ANY activity we had going on. Second of all, that is like combining 2 & 3 together. Breaking TWO rules in one. And again... it makes you an asshole.
4. "You're Just Like Your Mother."
This may be good SOMETIMES. But other times girls just don't want to hear this. Are you attracted to their mother? Do you want to be with them instead? That is the thought going through her head. OR... if it's a bad quality, then they start picking apart the relationship and what they do and how much it may or may not annoy you. You are just asking for trouble.
5. "You're Just Like My Mother."
Again... don't do this. Do you want to date your mom? No. So don't give her the idea that you are attracted to her because she is like your mother. It's a bit creepy!
6. "She's So Hot."
See, this doesn't bother me that much. We are creatures of passion. We notice things. Like how people look. Girls say "oh he's so hot!" and guys do it too. We are BOTH guilty of this. Maybe if you do it ALL the time, then that could be cut down on a bit. Or if you say things like "I wish you looked like her." Yeah... no. Doing it too much can make a girl insecure and jealous (just like the article says), but it doesn't mean you can't comment ever. We all do it. It's natural.
7. "How Old Are You?"
I don't see the big deal. Maybe I'm not quite to the stage where I'm freaked out by my age, but this doesn't seem like a big deal. The article says if you DO bring it up, guess at least 10 years younger than she probably is. But this can still get you in trouble because she may think you are just being a smartass. Unless you think she's underage... don't ask. And if you think she might be... maybe you should be looking for someone older.
8. "Make Me a Sandwich."
This is hilarious. I have a male friend (Who shall remain nameless) who says that this is his first feeling after sex. They get hungry. Now I do not think women should wait on men all the time, but I think that there are certain ways to ask for this. Don't demand it. Or tell her to do it (the article says this.) Ask her. A simple, "hey babe, can you make me a sandwich?" might get you a long way.
9. "Call Her the Wrong Name."
Yeah... I have nothing to say but... RUN!
10. "Do You Want a Picture of My Junk?"
The article is actually talking about prior to the first date or when you are brand new in a relationship. I agree. You look like an epic creeper and I will run for the hills. That is all.
So yeah... maybe I'll find a list of things women shouldn't say to men and comment on those later!
A Semi New Years Resolution
Alright so I do not typically make New Years resolutions because I think that you are setting yourself up for failure a lot of the time. I also don't think you should only make goals once a year. It should be a constant process to better yourself.
But I have made two kind of resolutions this year.
1. Better financial stability.
I have not had the best luck with finances this year or... oh I don't know... the last eight years. So my goal is to better that. I already have a plan in place and I am just waiting on certain items to happen. This one I am so stoked about that I promise myself that I will make this a constant goal and mission to continue to better my life and that of my daughter.
2. This one is one I just decided on like ten minutes. It's simple really. Not to let things I can not control bother me. I have some things that have affected me in the past kind of control my future. For instance, I have this really bad fear of people leaving. In my opinion, Peyton Sawyer from One Tree Hill had it right. People always leave. In the past decade I'd say... I've had more people come in my life and then leave. After a while you get so tired of it that you stop letting people in. I've been working on breaking down those walls I've kept up for so long and I think over the past year I have gotten a lot better. Unfortunately I still have an emotional breakdown at the sign that someone important in my life is leaving or what not. That is just one of the many things I have to learn to not fear. People leave. People change. Sometimes friendships fail no matter how much you want them to stay. Relationships end. My new favorite quote is "Sometimes the people you can't live without can live without you." And it's so true. You can't control that.
I blame myself for a lot of things. I think I'm excessively difficult to love a lot of the time. I think that I have faults that are sometimes hard to overlook. And I think that a lot of the time that becomes too much for people. I can't change who I am. I can change bad habits and bad qualities that I think need improved on. Typically those things do not change overnight. I think I've been working hard and I don't do things that I use to or sometimes I don't do them as much. I kind of just want to learn to let things go. If someone doesn't want to be with me or be my friend or whatever the scenario, then I have to respect that and let them go. I'm not going to spend my entire life begging people to stay. What sucks is that it hurts sometimes. A lot. And all I feel like doing is crying. Or I have this emptiness in my chest. But from past experience I know that it will fade. It won't ever go away. But it will fade. And life moves on.
So why not move with it. Try to shake things off. Don't sweat the small stuff. Don't stress over things you can not change. You can't change the way others feel if they are set in their mind. Let it go.
So yeah... the second one might take a bit of work... but we shall see.
(P.S. this is not a sign to anyone I am friends with that you should leave me. Nope. Not at all.)
But I have made two kind of resolutions this year.
1. Better financial stability.
I have not had the best luck with finances this year or... oh I don't know... the last eight years. So my goal is to better that. I already have a plan in place and I am just waiting on certain items to happen. This one I am so stoked about that I promise myself that I will make this a constant goal and mission to continue to better my life and that of my daughter.
2. This one is one I just decided on like ten minutes. It's simple really. Not to let things I can not control bother me. I have some things that have affected me in the past kind of control my future. For instance, I have this really bad fear of people leaving. In my opinion, Peyton Sawyer from One Tree Hill had it right. People always leave. In the past decade I'd say... I've had more people come in my life and then leave. After a while you get so tired of it that you stop letting people in. I've been working on breaking down those walls I've kept up for so long and I think over the past year I have gotten a lot better. Unfortunately I still have an emotional breakdown at the sign that someone important in my life is leaving or what not. That is just one of the many things I have to learn to not fear. People leave. People change. Sometimes friendships fail no matter how much you want them to stay. Relationships end. My new favorite quote is "Sometimes the people you can't live without can live without you." And it's so true. You can't control that.
I blame myself for a lot of things. I think I'm excessively difficult to love a lot of the time. I think that I have faults that are sometimes hard to overlook. And I think that a lot of the time that becomes too much for people. I can't change who I am. I can change bad habits and bad qualities that I think need improved on. Typically those things do not change overnight. I think I've been working hard and I don't do things that I use to or sometimes I don't do them as much. I kind of just want to learn to let things go. If someone doesn't want to be with me or be my friend or whatever the scenario, then I have to respect that and let them go. I'm not going to spend my entire life begging people to stay. What sucks is that it hurts sometimes. A lot. And all I feel like doing is crying. Or I have this emptiness in my chest. But from past experience I know that it will fade. It won't ever go away. But it will fade. And life moves on.
So why not move with it. Try to shake things off. Don't sweat the small stuff. Don't stress over things you can not change. You can't change the way others feel if they are set in their mind. Let it go.
So yeah... the second one might take a bit of work... but we shall see.
(P.S. this is not a sign to anyone I am friends with that you should leave me. Nope. Not at all.)
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Signs Your Man Is Cheating.... (really?)
So I recently came across this article called "10 Signs Your Guy is Cheating". Now... as I looked through some of these "signs" I agree with some and I disagree with others. So I thought I would go ahead and break it down for you.
Oh... and here is the LINK to the original article!
1. You're having less sex.
The article states that less sex is a sign that something is wrong in the sack. I partially agree with this. Yes... sex is extremely important in a relationship. One, it keeps the stress down. Two, being able to change it up in the bedroom every so often keeps the relationship interesting. And there are more points, but I'll stop there. Now I will say that sometimes people are just in a bad place and do not want to have sex. If this trend continues for a few weeks... you likely have a problem. But sometimes it's just a funk. Try changing it up.
2. He's done it before
Ok... now I kind of agree with this. The article points out... once a cheater, always a cheater. I feel that they are more likely to do it again. And besides, as a girl... if I knew my ex had cheated on his last girl, I would never be able to trust him. End of story!
3. He Avoids Certain Places
The article says that if your guy always make an excuse as to why you can't go to one place or another, there is likely a good reason behind it. Now, maybe this is just me, but I'd start asking questions after the third time. Once, ok... you don't want to eat there. Twice... ok, was there a bad experience? Three times... What the hell? This does wave a red flag, but it could be that he simply hates it.
4. He needs space!
According to the article, if he makes it clear from the start that he needs excessive space than he is likely making sure he has plenty of time for his "Shenanigans". Here is my thought. If you are dating someone and you enjoy their company. The relationship is going well... then he shouldn't need to set boundaries. In a relationship, you need to understand that being together all the time is going to be overwhelming. Even if you are married. Everyone needs some space. Men need to have men time. Women need to have girl time. Alone time. Whatever. In my opinion, it's all about finding a balance. But one person shouldn't step in and say "we can only talk ten minutes a day and we can only see each other once a week." If you want to hang out you should. And if one doesn't want to very often and that bothers you... maybe you are with the wrong person. Just something to think about.
5. He's secretive about his phone/internet use.
I agree with the articles explanation of this. Everyone should respect the privacy of the other. No matter what. But if you reach for his phone to use the calculator and he snatches it back and freaks out... most likely there is something on there he doesn't want you to see. I don't think one or the other should go through another's phone/internet usage trying to catch them. That just shows you don't trust them. And if you don't trust them... well then get out of that relationship. Trust and honesty is everything.
6. He Avoids Your Friends
Now... the article states that if he avoids hanging out with your friends at all costs, then he is likely covering his tracks because if he knows your friends then he is more likely to get caught out with another girl. Yes... this COULD be true. Or he just hates your friends. I've seen that too. It may be frustrating but I wouldn't say it means he's cheating.
7. His Grooming Habits Change
HAHA! This makes me laugh. If he goes from being kind of sloppy and scruffy to clean shaven, smelling delicious, and well dressed then you should be worried. This would definitely raise some warning bells in my head. I wouldn't necessarily say that he is cheating, but it would definitely be something to question him with.
8. The Rumor Mill is Buzzing.
Yeah. If you hear people mentioning other women and your man... or rumors that he was at the movies with another female when he told you he was going to bed early... probably a red alert. Check into it. Most definitely. But don't always believe rumors. They could just be jealous women.
9. He's Learned New Tricks!
The article states that if he suddenly starts getting really freaky in the sack on things he has NEVER tried before... he may be learning tricks from other girls. This would make me want to punch him in the throat if this is true. But maybe he is just getting comfortable and has decided it is time to spice it up? I wouldn't say he IS cheating, but it definitely could be a possibility. Have I mentioned he's skeavy? LOL
10. The Physical Signs!
Now these do not lie. If your man smells like another woman. Comes home from "a late night at work" smelling like sex, lipstick on his collar, hickeys on his neck... what the HELL are you doing? Kick his sorry ass to the curb. I don't care if you look like a supermodel or if you are a little less than pretty. You don't deserve that and somebody else WILL appreciate you. Don't sell yourself short.
And THAT is the list of signs your guy (or girl really) are cheating. Some are spot on. Others... I think you could just be paranoid. But whatever!
Oh... and here is the LINK to the original article!
1. You're having less sex.
The article states that less sex is a sign that something is wrong in the sack. I partially agree with this. Yes... sex is extremely important in a relationship. One, it keeps the stress down. Two, being able to change it up in the bedroom every so often keeps the relationship interesting. And there are more points, but I'll stop there. Now I will say that sometimes people are just in a bad place and do not want to have sex. If this trend continues for a few weeks... you likely have a problem. But sometimes it's just a funk. Try changing it up.
2. He's done it before
Ok... now I kind of agree with this. The article points out... once a cheater, always a cheater. I feel that they are more likely to do it again. And besides, as a girl... if I knew my ex had cheated on his last girl, I would never be able to trust him. End of story!
3. He Avoids Certain Places
The article says that if your guy always make an excuse as to why you can't go to one place or another, there is likely a good reason behind it. Now, maybe this is just me, but I'd start asking questions after the third time. Once, ok... you don't want to eat there. Twice... ok, was there a bad experience? Three times... What the hell? This does wave a red flag, but it could be that he simply hates it.
4. He needs space!
According to the article, if he makes it clear from the start that he needs excessive space than he is likely making sure he has plenty of time for his "Shenanigans". Here is my thought. If you are dating someone and you enjoy their company. The relationship is going well... then he shouldn't need to set boundaries. In a relationship, you need to understand that being together all the time is going to be overwhelming. Even if you are married. Everyone needs some space. Men need to have men time. Women need to have girl time. Alone time. Whatever. In my opinion, it's all about finding a balance. But one person shouldn't step in and say "we can only talk ten minutes a day and we can only see each other once a week." If you want to hang out you should. And if one doesn't want to very often and that bothers you... maybe you are with the wrong person. Just something to think about.
5. He's secretive about his phone/internet use.
I agree with the articles explanation of this. Everyone should respect the privacy of the other. No matter what. But if you reach for his phone to use the calculator and he snatches it back and freaks out... most likely there is something on there he doesn't want you to see. I don't think one or the other should go through another's phone/internet usage trying to catch them. That just shows you don't trust them. And if you don't trust them... well then get out of that relationship. Trust and honesty is everything.
6. He Avoids Your Friends
Now... the article states that if he avoids hanging out with your friends at all costs, then he is likely covering his tracks because if he knows your friends then he is more likely to get caught out with another girl. Yes... this COULD be true. Or he just hates your friends. I've seen that too. It may be frustrating but I wouldn't say it means he's cheating.
7. His Grooming Habits Change
HAHA! This makes me laugh. If he goes from being kind of sloppy and scruffy to clean shaven, smelling delicious, and well dressed then you should be worried. This would definitely raise some warning bells in my head. I wouldn't necessarily say that he is cheating, but it would definitely be something to question him with.
8. The Rumor Mill is Buzzing.
Yeah. If you hear people mentioning other women and your man... or rumors that he was at the movies with another female when he told you he was going to bed early... probably a red alert. Check into it. Most definitely. But don't always believe rumors. They could just be jealous women.
9. He's Learned New Tricks!
The article states that if he suddenly starts getting really freaky in the sack on things he has NEVER tried before... he may be learning tricks from other girls. This would make me want to punch him in the throat if this is true. But maybe he is just getting comfortable and has decided it is time to spice it up? I wouldn't say he IS cheating, but it definitely could be a possibility. Have I mentioned he's skeavy? LOL
10. The Physical Signs!
Now these do not lie. If your man smells like another woman. Comes home from "a late night at work" smelling like sex, lipstick on his collar, hickeys on his neck... what the HELL are you doing? Kick his sorry ass to the curb. I don't care if you look like a supermodel or if you are a little less than pretty. You don't deserve that and somebody else WILL appreciate you. Don't sell yourself short.
And THAT is the list of signs your guy (or girl really) are cheating. Some are spot on. Others... I think you could just be paranoid. But whatever!
Friday, December 14, 2012
An appropriate poem for today...
I heard this poem once while watching the movie The Fifth Quarter. I think after watching the news today, this is more than appropriate. RIP little ones.
A CHILD OF MINE
by Edgar Albert Guest
I will lend you, for a little time,
A child of mind, He said.
For you to love the while he lives
And mourn for when he's dead.
It may be six or seven years,
Or twenty-two or three.
But will you, till I call him back,
Take care of him for me?
He'll bring his charms to gladden you,
And should this stay be brief.
You'll have his lovely memories,
As solace for your grief.
I cannot promise he will stay,
Since all from earth return.
But there are lessons taught down there,
I want this child to learn.
I've looked the wide world over,
In search for teachers true.
And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes,
I have selected you.
Now will you give him all your love,
Nor think the labour vain.
Nor hate me when I come
To take him home again?
I fancied that I heard them say,
'Dear Lord. Thy will be done!'
For all the joys Thy child shall bring,
The risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter him with tenderness,
We'll love him while we may,
And for the happiness we've known,
Forever grateful stay.
But should the angels call for him,
Much sooner than we've planned.
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes,
And try to understand.
Thursday, December 6, 2012
A few morning thoughts...
So this morning has been an odd one. I had some... random dreams last night. My daughter was oddly cheery, and I'm working an hour early... which is kind of typical.
Here is my thinking. I have a beautiful four year old daughter (almost five in February). I have a job I enjoy; two technically. I have family and great friends surrounding me.
Do you know that phrase "I'm alone in a crowded room." That is the feeling I have this morning.
Now, I'm not complaining about life. It's just an observation. But hear me out. I'm 27. My life is not dependent on getting married or having more kids, but I kind of want it. I'm not looking to rush down the isle, or rush into a relationship right now. I'm just saying I would like the option. And by God there are limited options. I'm that person that decides that I want something or someone and that something never works out or that someone doesn't want me back. Someday I want to be wanted. I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who would rather be somewhere else.
I want someone who loves my kid like their own. I want respect, encouragement, a friend, and a lover. All wrapped into one. I think I'm afraid that I'm going to sit back and watch all of my friends go through the normal life experiences (marriage, children, careers, financial stability, etc) and I'm going to just be sitting by, alone, struggling, and just... stuck. That terrifies me.
Now, I've said it before and I'll say it again. I'm difficult. Unbelievably so sometimes. I'm even surprised by the people in my life who stay. I always say "People always leave" like P. Sawyer in One Tree Hill. The truth is, people always leave because you make it impossible to stay. I don't want to be the crazy cat lady. Partially because I dislike cats. They are cute, but I do not want to own one... or twenty. My four year old asked me today why her daddy had a girl but mommy didn't have a boy. It's pathetic when your kid notices. LOL.
I don't want to rush anything. I don't want to get married now, or even six months from now. I don't even want to rush into a relationship. I have enough things to deal with then the complexities of someone else's life twisted with mine. I just want to know... if it's ever going to happen. Is someone ever going to look at me and think, "She's the one." I doubt it. But hey, that's how I think, right? If you don't expect much, you can't get hurt.
I'm trying to balance the old me with the new me. The new me gets emotional and attached and therefore hurt. The old me didn't give a fuck. I didn't care enough or have any expectations, so therefore when someone disappointed me, it didn't hit me as hard as it does now. I didn't care enough. There has to be a happy medium right? A place where you can care, but the minute disappointment peaks around the corner you can slam your doors shut? I might have to try that.
On a side (and totally random note). 7-Eleven has these ridiculous Christmas cups that Will Ferrell designed. And once I thought "These are ridiculous" I felt like an asshole because proceeds go to charity. I suck...
Here is my thinking. I have a beautiful four year old daughter (almost five in February). I have a job I enjoy; two technically. I have family and great friends surrounding me.
Do you know that phrase "I'm alone in a crowded room." That is the feeling I have this morning.
Now, I'm not complaining about life. It's just an observation. But hear me out. I'm 27. My life is not dependent on getting married or having more kids, but I kind of want it. I'm not looking to rush down the isle, or rush into a relationship right now. I'm just saying I would like the option. And by God there are limited options. I'm that person that decides that I want something or someone and that something never works out or that someone doesn't want me back. Someday I want to be wanted. I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who would rather be somewhere else.
I want someone who loves my kid like their own. I want respect, encouragement, a friend, and a lover. All wrapped into one. I think I'm afraid that I'm going to sit back and watch all of my friends go through the normal life experiences (marriage, children, careers, financial stability, etc) and I'm going to just be sitting by, alone, struggling, and just... stuck. That terrifies me.
Now, I've said it before and I'll say it again. I'm difficult. Unbelievably so sometimes. I'm even surprised by the people in my life who stay. I always say "People always leave" like P. Sawyer in One Tree Hill. The truth is, people always leave because you make it impossible to stay. I don't want to be the crazy cat lady. Partially because I dislike cats. They are cute, but I do not want to own one... or twenty. My four year old asked me today why her daddy had a girl but mommy didn't have a boy. It's pathetic when your kid notices. LOL.
I don't want to rush anything. I don't want to get married now, or even six months from now. I don't even want to rush into a relationship. I have enough things to deal with then the complexities of someone else's life twisted with mine. I just want to know... if it's ever going to happen. Is someone ever going to look at me and think, "She's the one." I doubt it. But hey, that's how I think, right? If you don't expect much, you can't get hurt.
I'm trying to balance the old me with the new me. The new me gets emotional and attached and therefore hurt. The old me didn't give a fuck. I didn't care enough or have any expectations, so therefore when someone disappointed me, it didn't hit me as hard as it does now. I didn't care enough. There has to be a happy medium right? A place where you can care, but the minute disappointment peaks around the corner you can slam your doors shut? I might have to try that.
On a side (and totally random note). 7-Eleven has these ridiculous Christmas cups that Will Ferrell designed. And once I thought "These are ridiculous" I felt like an asshole because proceeds go to charity. I suck...
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
I need to simplify life...
So I don't really do the whole New Year's resolution thing. It's just another way to set yourself up for failure. What does it usually entail? I'm going to lose weight. Work out more. Be healthier. Stop drinking soda. Quit smoking. Blah Blah Blah. If you do New Year's resolutions and succeed... you deserve a huge high five and some pretty medal to hang on your wall. It's hard.
BUT... this year I am going to make a life change. And I'm not going to wait until January. I'm going to do it now. I want to simplify my life. It's very vague, so therefore ANY success is a win for me.
I think sometimes people make life way more complicated than it needs to be. You tell yourself you are going to be this chill person and the next thing you know you are stressing out, ripping your hair out, running around like you've lost your head, and so on. That's me. The running around with no head person. I don't want to do that anymore. Life is too short. There are too many great things out there to enjoy.
The first way I want to simplify life is to make sure I think of at least one thing every single day that makes my day worth it. Waking up each morning is a good one. That is a given. Something different every day. What am I thankful for? Why is today a great day, despite anything that may be going wrong?
Second, try not to worry so much. I do this thing where I crawl inside my own head and allow things to build to unnecessary heights. Or I clog my filter and therefore say shit I shouldn't say or really isn't what I'm thinking, but that is the thought that escaped. I don't want to do that anymore. I want to not try and control things that are out of my control. Go with the flow.
Third, simply be thankful for what I have. I have some of the best friends in the world. Sometimes I get crazy and worry that they are going to disappear or something is going to rip us apart, because that is what I have experienced in the past. I don't want to live in the past. I don't want that. I want to just... be. I want to not worry about the "what if's" in life. Those things are what make you think irrational thoughts. What if? Well... if something happens, it is meant to happen. I hope that my small group of amazing friends is forever with me. I hope we get to be friends forever. No matter what. They all know who they are. It would shatter my world if something tore us apart and I don't want that. I love them.
Four, Just fucking relax. I think too much. Seriously. There is always thoughts running in my mind that are very... damaging. LOL. Not in a kill myself sort of way. More of the "what if" I was just talking about. I need to just relax. Let it happen. Life is full of ups and downs. Things are going to happen and it's going to feel like the end of the world. Relationships will begin and end. My heart will be broken on more than one occasion. My chest will get that empty feeling as if a part of me is missing. And no matter how hard it is... I have to realize that one day it will just... stop. I will feel better. It may leave scars emotionally, but that's what make people beautiful. All those scars shape them into the person they are. So it will suck... but it will also get better. And if it doesn't, maybe you should chase after whatever it is you lost. It's obviously meant to be a part of you in some way. Maybe not the way you had hoped, but in some way. I'm not saying you should settle... but take a moment to think. Say it's a person. Would you rather be without them completely or just rearrange your relationship with them? If it's an opportunity missed... maybe that specific one was not suppose to happen, but you shouldn't not chase your dream just because of that one thing. Relax. Let life take you. You aren't in control of it. Fate is. Trust her.
And last (for now), I just want to be happy. I have a beautiful daughter who is the center of my universe. What more could I actually ask for? She's healthy, happy, and well taken care of. I have a roof over my head, food on the table. Sometimes the bills are tight. Or I'm not real sure where gas is coming from for the week. I want to let it go. If I can't change it, I don't want to worry about it at that moment.
Simplify life. Experience things I haven't experienced. Appreciate the things I have and do. Love the people around me, flaws and all, because God knows they love me with all my flaws (I have more than plenty). I'm a difficult person. I'm a difficult person to love I think. For those people who have stuck by my side, even when I have screwed up repeatedly, I thank you. I know some of those screw ups would give full right to walk away and never look back. I would have understood if you had. So thank you so much for sticking around. I promise to actively try to improve myself. Make myself a better person for me, my daughter, and everyone in my life. If I can work on myself, maybe some will love me more. Or new people will come into my life. And maybe I won't end up the cat lady, alone the rest of my life (although... it would be ok if I did. Well... maybe dogs.). Life is short. Don't put up walls stopping yourself from doing things. Whatever happens. Go with the flow. And try not to be too disappointed if everything you ever wanted doesn't come true or happen for you. Cry it out. Shake it off and try and believe that something better will come along.
So yeah... simplify life.
BUT... this year I am going to make a life change. And I'm not going to wait until January. I'm going to do it now. I want to simplify my life. It's very vague, so therefore ANY success is a win for me.
I think sometimes people make life way more complicated than it needs to be. You tell yourself you are going to be this chill person and the next thing you know you are stressing out, ripping your hair out, running around like you've lost your head, and so on. That's me. The running around with no head person. I don't want to do that anymore. Life is too short. There are too many great things out there to enjoy.
The first way I want to simplify life is to make sure I think of at least one thing every single day that makes my day worth it. Waking up each morning is a good one. That is a given. Something different every day. What am I thankful for? Why is today a great day, despite anything that may be going wrong?
Second, try not to worry so much. I do this thing where I crawl inside my own head and allow things to build to unnecessary heights. Or I clog my filter and therefore say shit I shouldn't say or really isn't what I'm thinking, but that is the thought that escaped. I don't want to do that anymore. I want to not try and control things that are out of my control. Go with the flow.
Third, simply be thankful for what I have. I have some of the best friends in the world. Sometimes I get crazy and worry that they are going to disappear or something is going to rip us apart, because that is what I have experienced in the past. I don't want to live in the past. I don't want that. I want to just... be. I want to not worry about the "what if's" in life. Those things are what make you think irrational thoughts. What if? Well... if something happens, it is meant to happen. I hope that my small group of amazing friends is forever with me. I hope we get to be friends forever. No matter what. They all know who they are. It would shatter my world if something tore us apart and I don't want that. I love them.
Four, Just fucking relax. I think too much. Seriously. There is always thoughts running in my mind that are very... damaging. LOL. Not in a kill myself sort of way. More of the "what if" I was just talking about. I need to just relax. Let it happen. Life is full of ups and downs. Things are going to happen and it's going to feel like the end of the world. Relationships will begin and end. My heart will be broken on more than one occasion. My chest will get that empty feeling as if a part of me is missing. And no matter how hard it is... I have to realize that one day it will just... stop. I will feel better. It may leave scars emotionally, but that's what make people beautiful. All those scars shape them into the person they are. So it will suck... but it will also get better. And if it doesn't, maybe you should chase after whatever it is you lost. It's obviously meant to be a part of you in some way. Maybe not the way you had hoped, but in some way. I'm not saying you should settle... but take a moment to think. Say it's a person. Would you rather be without them completely or just rearrange your relationship with them? If it's an opportunity missed... maybe that specific one was not suppose to happen, but you shouldn't not chase your dream just because of that one thing. Relax. Let life take you. You aren't in control of it. Fate is. Trust her.
And last (for now), I just want to be happy. I have a beautiful daughter who is the center of my universe. What more could I actually ask for? She's healthy, happy, and well taken care of. I have a roof over my head, food on the table. Sometimes the bills are tight. Or I'm not real sure where gas is coming from for the week. I want to let it go. If I can't change it, I don't want to worry about it at that moment.
Simplify life. Experience things I haven't experienced. Appreciate the things I have and do. Love the people around me, flaws and all, because God knows they love me with all my flaws (I have more than plenty). I'm a difficult person. I'm a difficult person to love I think. For those people who have stuck by my side, even when I have screwed up repeatedly, I thank you. I know some of those screw ups would give full right to walk away and never look back. I would have understood if you had. So thank you so much for sticking around. I promise to actively try to improve myself. Make myself a better person for me, my daughter, and everyone in my life. If I can work on myself, maybe some will love me more. Or new people will come into my life. And maybe I won't end up the cat lady, alone the rest of my life (although... it would be ok if I did. Well... maybe dogs.). Life is short. Don't put up walls stopping yourself from doing things. Whatever happens. Go with the flow. And try not to be too disappointed if everything you ever wanted doesn't come true or happen for you. Cry it out. Shake it off and try and believe that something better will come along.
So yeah... simplify life.
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Amazing Positions
MOUNTAIN CLIMBER
This is amazing. I have a thing for arms though! Strong arms. Yum!
THE CAT
A little clitoral stimulation!
THE COWGIRL
Puts the girl in a bit of control and also lets the guy relax a little. A little... not a ton! BUT... also gives him prime ass grabbing.
Just a few. Stay tuned for more.
A Little... Oral Exam!
Admit it. You clicked on this blog because of the name? I know... I'm a genius.
Ok... ok. I'll tone down the arrogance. Thank you for tuning in. This late, Saturday night blog is about oral. Mainly, men giving great pleasure to a woman's nether region. Lady bits. A little cunnilingus, if you will.
How many men out there think they give the BEST oral exams? I bet you all raised your hands. It may be true. It may not be true. Who am I to judge without having experienced it. I will tell you this. Orgasm's stemming from this are amazing.
For those who do not know... women tend to orgasm more from oral than from actual sex. And for those who do not know why... stop trying to go down on girls. No, just kidding. It's simply because it's direct stimulation to a women's small bundle of nerves, called her clit. Are we up to speed now?
Giving a girl mind blowing pleasure with oral is not a few thrusts of your tongue and a wiggle back and forth. No no. One... we need technique. You have to know what you are doing. Ask a lesbian. She'll tell you what to do. Girls typically need a little... warming up... before sex. Otherwise sex can be painful, or really hard to reach our orgasm.
Look at it like this. Give her lady bits a kiss. No weird jabbing. Long strokes with your tongue. A little sucking. Maybe even a bit of nibbling. Take a moment to kiss the inside of her thigh. Maybe a slight break to stroke her with your hand. And if you get a little tired, press your tongue flat against her and let her do the work. I guarantee she'll rock her hips against your mouth, if she wasn't already. This is kind of like the equivalent to a girl being on top. Which is another way to give a bit of oral. Let her sit on your face. But that's another time.
Now... the most important thing is to read her body and her reactions. You'll know what she likes by her reactions. Here are a few key points as to her enjoyment.
1. Her breathing: It will pick up. Maybe a gasp here or there.
2. Temperature: Her heart rate will pick up (great cardio) and she will get hot. Maybe a little sweaty. Beads of sweat on her chest. I hear guys like that.
3. Stomach muscles clench: Her body is starting to react on it's own.
4. Grasps at your head and presses it harder into her body.
5. And finally: her body becomes frantic-like. Her rocking hips become uncoordinated. And she becomes... well.. frantic. She's almost there. She may tell you that. Scream your name. Call out to Jesus.
And then it happens. Explosion. With a great orgasm, your vision goes blurry or blacks out for a moment. Her back arches. Fists clench in the sheets, your hair, back of your head, etc. Her thighs tense and likely scissor to your head. And a good "UNFFFFFF..." escapes.
Give yourself a round of applause.
I hope everyone has experienced really good oral. Male or female alike. I have. Have you?
Ok... ok. I'll tone down the arrogance. Thank you for tuning in. This late, Saturday night blog is about oral. Mainly, men giving great pleasure to a woman's nether region. Lady bits. A little cunnilingus, if you will.
How many men out there think they give the BEST oral exams? I bet you all raised your hands. It may be true. It may not be true. Who am I to judge without having experienced it. I will tell you this. Orgasm's stemming from this are amazing.
For those who do not know... women tend to orgasm more from oral than from actual sex. And for those who do not know why... stop trying to go down on girls. No, just kidding. It's simply because it's direct stimulation to a women's small bundle of nerves, called her clit. Are we up to speed now?
Look at it like this. Give her lady bits a kiss. No weird jabbing. Long strokes with your tongue. A little sucking. Maybe even a bit of nibbling. Take a moment to kiss the inside of her thigh. Maybe a slight break to stroke her with your hand. And if you get a little tired, press your tongue flat against her and let her do the work. I guarantee she'll rock her hips against your mouth, if she wasn't already. This is kind of like the equivalent to a girl being on top. Which is another way to give a bit of oral. Let her sit on your face. But that's another time.
Now... the most important thing is to read her body and her reactions. You'll know what she likes by her reactions. Here are a few key points as to her enjoyment.
1. Her breathing: It will pick up. Maybe a gasp here or there.
2. Temperature: Her heart rate will pick up (great cardio) and she will get hot. Maybe a little sweaty. Beads of sweat on her chest. I hear guys like that.
3. Stomach muscles clench: Her body is starting to react on it's own.
4. Grasps at your head and presses it harder into her body.
5. And finally: her body becomes frantic-like. Her rocking hips become uncoordinated. And she becomes... well.. frantic. She's almost there. She may tell you that. Scream your name. Call out to Jesus.
And then it happens. Explosion. With a great orgasm, your vision goes blurry or blacks out for a moment. Her back arches. Fists clench in the sheets, your hair, back of your head, etc. Her thighs tense and likely scissor to your head. And a good "UNFFFFFF..." escapes.
Give yourself a round of applause.
I hope everyone has experienced really good oral. Male or female alike. I have. Have you?
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